Memorials

Sierra

My eyes start to swell, 
I'm not doing so well.
As today is just a reminder that I can no longer hold you.
I told you, we'd play.
But that day never came
for you passed away.
My mind goes empty when I think of you,
protecting me from this pain.
The only thing I've gained, was strength. 
But no length of time can ever heal me.
I kneel at the end of my bed.
hoping you will hear me.
A mothers love never dies.
I pray you don't hear me cry.
May the beats of my heart, 
fly away into your arms.
Everyday feels like a heavy start
I miss my morning smile,
my evening giggle,
my night time snuggle.
Trying to hold on strong.
Sometimes it feels like this is taking too long.
I wonder if you watch over us, 
I hope you do, because its hard living without you.
mommy misses you. I love you Sierra.

This is Sierra,  She is my second child. My first is now 4 years old. Her name is Sarah. Some asked why we named our second child Sierra. I say it's because her daddy picked it out. He says so he would only have to call one name and they both would come running. But from the moment I saw her I knew the name fit just right. The day she was born was a magical day. That's the day I found out who my true family was. There were people who cried when you were born. We welcomed you into this world. From that moment , I grew very attached to you. Maybe because you were a needy baby. But every time I held you, you'd grab my finger and you'd calm down. I love your sister Sarah. But she was an independent baby. But you and me, Sierra. We needed each other. 

You would watch me and giggle with me when I'd dance. And you made me feel wonderful. You were so smart. You learn to crawl at three months. And the face expressions you'd did are unforgettable.  I'll never forget the last picture we took of you. You were laying on the bed with me and I was looking for a movie on the laptop, you were behind me, kicking me! So I thought. Until your daddy came in and said "oh my god, she's sitting up on her own!" He took a picture and you smiled big, right before you fell over! Ha. That was a day before you passed. I can go through over and over of something I could of done. Like the day you passed, November 8, 2012. It was the second night you spent in your room alone. Or if when I came to check on you and I saw you move, if I would have picked you up and hugged you. Instead of sneaking out so I wouldn't wake you. But nothing I do or say could change the fact that you're gone. But your name lives on, your smile is starting to spread.  Your story is being told more and more. I hope you greet every little angel that enters heaven. Your passing wasn't in vain. We've made the most out of it. And I feel you on my shoulder.  I'm trying to show people that even at 5months old, babies can pass away from SIDS. I'm trying to spread the word. And with your smile Sierra, I'm doing it. And with the help of SIDS of Illinois, inc. We are spreading awareness. You are very much missed baby girl. Forever, my lil miss ally.. Alligator . 

8/27/2002 - 11/16/2002

8/4/88 – 10/4/88